Short Story Snippet

I've decided to be brave and post a piece of one of my nearly completed short stories.  This is a tale about a woman, her two children and an encounter with a stranger.   Though comments are appreciated I'm in no way soliciting free critiques.  I'm hoping to find a literary journal who will accept this story, though I'm as prepared as I can be for repeated rejections. 



"Whatcha got there?"  The sound of his voice startled both of the kids, and Missy let out a little chirp of a scream. 

     "You scared us!" yelped Travis.   

    "We didn't know you were there!"  Missy prodded the crab with her toe.  "I think he's dead" she told the white-haired man, who smiled at her innocence. 

     "Do you kids live nearby?" the old man asked. 

     "Over there" Travis offered, pointing without taking his eyes off of the crab.   

"Mom says she doesn't want us talking to strangers" Missy said. 

      "Oh, I know.  I'm harmless, though" replied the old man.  "I'm just out for my morning stroll.  You know, I've walked this stretch of beach nearly every day for many years" the man told them. 

      "Where do you live?" Missy asked.   

     "Up that way" pointed the old man.  "Lots of people around here know me.  "You tykes looking for anything in particular?"   

      "Just cool shells and stuff.  Me and my sister are on vacation, you know.  We like to collect things that we find when we're here," Travis said.   

Missy shot him a sideways glance that said "Mom will be mad- you're telling a stranger too much!" 

       "Don't worry," said the old man, catching the not-so-subtle glare.  "I'll leave you be now.  I don't mean to scare you." 

      "We're not really scared," replied Travis.  "It's just that, well, you know... our mom, you know..." 

      "It's okay.  Your mother certainly doesn't need to worry.  I'll be on my way now."  Turning to leave, the old man stopped in his tracks.  "Oh, I almost forgot!  I found this.  Anything you'd care to add to your collection?"  He held out a blue, perfectly smooth piece of glass.  

    "That's so beautiful!" Missy cooed.  "Can I keep it, Trav?" 

     "I guess, but we should put it with the rest of our stuff," Travis answered. 

     "You kids take care, now.  I'm sure we'll bump into each other again soon enough," said the old man.  Travis and Missy were busy admiring his donation to their collection and when, after a few seconds they looked up to say thanks and goodbye the old man was already out of sight. 

 


      

Comments

  1. Shady Del KnightApril 29, 2021 at 4:57 AM

    Hi, PFT!

    I read your reply to my previous comment and I'm happy to know we have completed the circuit and will hopefully stay connected. I also appreciate your return visit to Shady's Place dark and early this morning. To give you an idea of my blogging pace, I put up a new post every 5, 6 or 7 days. I'm delighted to have you join me.

    I had a career as a television news reporter, anchor and producer. Therefore my approach to any story, fact or fiction, is to ask questions and seek satisfactory answers. Your short story snippet aroused my curiosity and that's a good sign. I am eager to read on and find out where it's going. I am already wondering if perhaps Travis and Missy are vacationing at Myrtle Beach, a destination I visited many times during the 1970s and early 80s before moving from Pennsylvania to Florida where Atlantic and Gulf beaches are much closer.

    The questions that come to my mind are as follows. Are the children in danger? Is the stranger a predator or simply a friendly old man? What is that smooth piece of blue colored glass the man gave the kids? I got an uneasy feeling because he pulled a "Columbo" move on them, saying goodbye and beginning to walk away, only to suddenly remember something and return. It seemed calculated and menacing to me. Where was the mother during this encounter? How will she react to the elderly stranger's overture? Will the kids show her the blue glass? How will she figure into the story? I am eager to find out.

    Thanks for showing us a sample of your writing, my new friend. Have a good day up your way!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. presstfortimeApril 30, 2021 at 2:59 AM

      Ahh, Myrtle Beach- my wife and I have been down there many times over the past few years. Unfortunately, like so many other beach communities (and other non-beach areas as well) it's gotten so commercial and crowded that the fun is zapped somewhat. We actually enjoyed Broadway at the Beach, among other spots. Anyway, thanks so much for your inspiring comments on my story piece. You've renewed my eagerness to clean it up and submit it.
      Let's just say that the kids are in no danger, the mom let them go down to the beach unsupervised, and the stranger ends up being someone familiar. That's all I can say until I decide to put up another piece. I loved your Columbo reference, and only after reading it did I remember that move as I watched Columbo all the time when it was on.

      Delete
  2. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comMay 1, 2021 at 2:15 PM

    Nice scene. It begs for more.
    Be well and have a great week.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. presstfortimeMay 4, 2021 at 2:28 AM

      Many thanks for stopping by, Rawknrobyn. I hope you have a fantastic week yourself. I'm trying to decide whether or not to put up another part considering this is one of my shorts I'm hoping to submit to a lit mag.

      Delete
  3. Marie SmithMay 2, 2021 at 4:33 AM

    I enjoyed this snippet of the story. I want to know more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. presstfortimeMay 4, 2021 at 2:29 AM

      Thank you, Marie. I appreciate your interest and comment.

      Delete
  4. MarthaMay 2, 2021 at 7:02 AM

    It's good! I hope you'll share the finished story with us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. presstfortimeMay 4, 2021 at 2:31 AM

      Well Martha, that's where I'm torn. Seeing as how it is my intention to get this published in a literary journal I'm not entirely sure how much I should post here. Thank you for commenting!

      Delete
  5. Mary KirklandMay 2, 2021 at 10:43 AM

    I liked it. I wonder where the guy went.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. presstfortimeMay 4, 2021 at 2:33 AM

      Thanks, Mary. After receiving more comments than I expected I want to share more., but as I said above... I'll try not to keep you wondering.

      Delete
  6. Debra She Who SeeksMay 2, 2021 at 10:54 AM

    Intriguing! A little menacing? Evokes a childhood summer nicely with its "exploring" and "adventures," I thought. I miss those days myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. presstfortimeMay 4, 2021 at 2:35 AM

      Thank you, Debra. I, too miss the summertime "adventures" of my youth. I'll try to put up another snippet.

      Delete
  7. Elephant's ChildMay 2, 2021 at 12:53 PM

    This is a delightful little snippet which has me itching to read more - despite the over lay of menace. I remember those warnings....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. presstfortimeMay 4, 2021 at 2:36 AM

      Thanks so much, EC- I appreciate your comment, and will consider posting another piece. I just have to figure out how far I can go without giving it away entirely.

      Delete
  8. ROJuly 19, 2021 at 3:02 AM

    You have really good writing skills because I'm the reader that needs to be grabbed right away, and you definitely did that. I want to know what's up with the stranger, who is he, is this heading toward scariness, or perhaps he's an angel in disguise. inquiring minds definitely wanna know! Whenever you get down about rejection letters, keep in mind that Gone With the Wind was rejected 38 times, Carrie was rejected 30 times, and Harry Potter was rejected 8 times. Keep writing, please! Hugs, RO

    ReplyDelete

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